The Underwater Monitor Kit is the kind of thing you’d expect a James Bond arch villain to have in his armoury. ‘Do you expect me to talk, Goldfinger?’ ‘No, Mr Bond, I expect you to dive’. Ah fond dreams and memories. What?  1) 7” TFT LCD panel 2) High resolution with vivid picture 3) Up/down, right/left reverse 4) DC 12V input 5) One-way video input and output 6) Storage battery for 5 hours continuous working 7) No radiation, eyesight protection

The Motorized Umbrella Controller with Remote Control says more about your patio smarts than a brace of laughing gnomes ever will. It speaks also of affluence, power, intelligence and a desperate desire to avoid any form of physical exertion. Good luck with the cardiogram. $99.99.  Impress neighbors and guests by automatically opening and closing your patio umbrella remotely using a table-mounted switch or a wireless remote control. The Motorized Umbrella Controller’s RF remote control has a 40-foot range and even works through…

Heated Massage Car Cushion. Heat, massage, remote control. The answer to a taxi driver’s prayer? £29.99.  Heated massaging car seat with AC and DC adaptor for in-car or home/office Using the heat function, the seat will gradually emit heat, ensuring a cosy comfortable drive Using the remote control supplied, you can select the heat function, or a selection of massaging programmes Control the speed of the massage and which part of the body gets massaged (the neck, back, hips, legs) Control the…

The DUALPhone 3088 is the world’s first Skype phone which doesn’t need a PC. That’s right, the Skype client is in the handset itself. It’s DECT wireless and comes complete with a full colour Skype-ified interface and all that stuff. So you just plug it into your landline for ordinary calls and into your broadband connection for Skype calls and switch between the two at will. Priced from around £99.00.  The phone also allows the user to decide whether to…

The Victorinox s.beat MP3 Player. Well, you couldn’t call it cute, could you? But hey, it’s gotta be the single most versatile MP3 player you’re ever going to stick in your pocket. Great for getting DJs out of horses hooves and stuff. Crucially, you can remove the player from the toolkit, which should help at the airport security conveyor. Around $170.00 for the 1 GB model.  Optionally, s.beat is also available in a flight version without tools. Fans who want both – smooth passages through airport security…

USB Mad Dog Speakers. Mad? You’d be furious too if they stuck speaker solenoids in your chin. Built in amp, massive 2w power output, USB powered, 3.5mm headphone jack socket. Go on, make yourself laugh and the cat cry why doncha? $20.00.  Dual 4cm speaker with 3.5mm audio jack cable. # High quality sound with a 2W+2W power output. # Frequency arrange: 120Hz ~ 20KHz # Signal Noise Ratio: 86dB # Support Windows XP/2000/ME/98SE, Mac OS with USB port. # Simple,…

Teksta V 2.0. We kind of missed Version 1.0, but here’s the updated deal. Voice, touch and light activated. Moody eyes, waggy tail, wiggly ears. Even includes a translator to interpret robot puppy sounds. Sounds like bliss, don’t it? €54.99.  Interactive robotic puppy. The more you play with Teksta the smarter he gets. He is voice, touch and light activated and walks. His eyes light up to show you his mood, he can wag his tail and wiggle his ears!…

DECT Wireless Phone Extender. Turn your electrical sockets into phone sockets. A great way to extend your phone wiring without having to run cables all over the place. Simply plug in the master unit near the incoming phone box, and plug the extension into any power socket in your home. Bingo! £49.99.   This product turns ordinary electrical sockets into telephone outlets. It uses DECT technology which means it is digital, works faster and quieter, and is an all round…

Light in Food Lamp. This 19 cm gourmet’s delight (groan) combines a softly lit and yet strangely appetising ambience with a kitchen friendly form factor. Well it makes a nice change from Lite food, doesn’t it? €85.00.  A gourmet’s lamp with appetising tastes and sweet or salty illumination, the LIGHTINFOOD was imagined by OP’OP Designers of Lyon. A jam, sweet, pasta, or rock salt lamp… There is a version for every taste. The diffused light is especially delicious: orange, cream, caramel, green…

The BlazePak Fire Resistant Document Wallet. Billed as a cheaper alternative to a fire proof safe, this 40 x 30 cm pouch is water repellent and fire resistant to 400 degrees C. It’s made of aluminised polyester backed with glass needlemat fibre, whatever that is. Do note the use of the word ‘resistant’, rather than ‘proof’, though, won’t you? It’s subtle but probably important if you’re thinking about sticking your bearer bonds in one. Especially if you’ve got a wooden house. £29.95.  This…

The Digital Compass Watch is clearly a sign that we humans need more spiritual direction in our lives. Or failing that a good solid indicator of North. It’s also important that we know exactly how high we are and crucially what the weather is like right next to our strong but tender hearted wrist. You never know when this stuff will come in handy, y’see? $79.99.  Does your watch just tell the time? If you’re a biker, hiker, explorer, or just…

The Nano Amp is the world’s smallest valve guitar amp, and it’s also definitely the the cutest. $459.00.

The Signal Sorcerer traffic light changer. Nothing to do with those MIRT type changers, now so discredited and outlawed. This puppy messes with the ‘inductive loop’ type traffic lights, you know, the strip in the ground. Does it work? Your guess, dear Earth born, is as good… And don’t forget to check out the SS1 model for bicycles. From $19.95.  Inductive loops detect iron (ferrite [Fe]) not aluminum, rubber, plastic, weight, mass, titanium, etc. Motorcycles, particularly the newer models, rarely have…

The Motorized Cruzin Cooler is all shiny and glistening, features a Subaru engine, a 54 quart ice chest and mag wheels. Hand built in 2 to 3 weeks and yours for just $1995.00.   Want to be the center of a party? The Motorized Cooler is a party on wheels. It’s a motorized cooler that doubles as a barstool. You drive the Motorized Cooler around a tailgate and you will own the tailgate! The Motorized Cooler is ideal for a…

The Home Pro Racing Simulator. Slap on a nice clean 42 inch plasma screen, hook up your games console or PC of choice and voila, instant non-stop arcade fun right there in your kitchen. It’s got to be the best way to ruin your eyes next to watching the complete set of Star Wars DVDs in one sitting. It’s a snip at $3999.99, so put it on your Santa list now (and good luck getting it down the chimney!).  Enjoy the…