The Paintball Splat Gun. Warning: this is not yer granny’s favourite indoor parlour game, OK? £12.95.   This sleek 11″ (28cm) silver gun fires small paintballs accurately over a long range; we estimated at least 50 metres (the minimum recommended shooting distance is 5 metres). The balls are fired by a high-powered spring mechanism as no batteries or CO2 are required, unlike some similar models…The paint is bio-degradable and water based so it washes off. Protective goggles and a wipeable…

The Massaging Bed Rest with Heat. Spend more time in bed and relieve your lumbar. Before it relieves you. $125.00.  Relieve the day’s tension with a soothing, heated massage right from the comfort of your bed. Choose high or low speed or an innovative pulsating program to invigorate sore muscles. Add concentrated heat for gentle relief to your lumbar region and lower back. Flexible LED reading lamp bends into any position to properly light up reading materials or any project.

The All-in-One USB 2.0 Card Reader/Calculator.  A 16 in 1 card reader, with….wait for it…blinking lights and…steady on madam, there’s plenty left…a full blown calculator with world clock, alarm, date and timer. There’s probably nothing else you’ll ever need in this life. At all. Mac and PC. Around $23.00?  

The Fly Catcher. £19.95. A bit too Rocky Horror for hereabouts, but your mileage may vary.  A non-toxic bait based at the bottom of the jaws lures the insect inside. As the insect crawls into the mouth of the trap, two sensors detect the insect causing the mouth to shut, swatting the insect dead. As the jaws open for the next victim Fly Catcher emits a loud burp, indicating satisfaction from catching a juicy bug. Nice one!!

The Spy Safe Cracker. $29.95. Er..maybe it’s just me, but should we really be teaching our kids how to…ahem…break open money vaults? Just a thought. Sonic Match: Use the ear bud to pinpoint the sound – just like cracking the real safe! Code Hack: Try to decode the PIN before time runs out.

The Eyegrabber for iMac. Because, like, Apple users are way too cool to sling their Ray Bans onto some filthy desk. $12.95.  The EyeGrabber is an accessory for your G4 iMac that holds a pair of glasses. It slips easilly on the top clear lip of the screen and keeps your glasses safely off of your work surface. Most glasses fit but we can’t guarantee that they will. Oh, and check out the SpyEye while you’re there.  We like to…

The Infrared Cat Door. $94.99. Old pet tech updated for the new millennia? Or something. Cat hackers unite, you have nothing to lose except your free lunches.  Your cat’s collar key transmits a digital coded infrared signal, which is decoded when the key comes within range of your pet door (approximately 6 inches), permitting only pets with keys of the same code to enter the house. The door re-latches automatically after the length of time you determine. Additional keys are available…

The Talking Picture Frame. £20.00. Yes the Ferret knows that this is easy tech now. But we still like ‘em. Because they’re…well…cute. And wholesome. And very very Julie Andrews. So there.  This gorgeous little travel alarm clock unfolds to reveal a talking picture photo frame. Simply insert a snapshot of anyone that you’d like to see in the morning and they can record a 10-second message that will greet you as your wake-up alarm – awh! Makes a wonderful present…

The Shock Lie Detector. £19.99. Pain is clearly very 21st century. How else to explain all these rather strange devices? Tsk, getting old. Whiskers starting to crinkle.  The best lie detector of the century!! If you lie you are in for a shock – literally!! Strap your victim in and follow the set up procedure, then start the questioning. If they tell a lie the machine will zap them with a well deserved shock!! They may be able to get…

The Miracle Foot Acupuncture. $99.95. Shock your way to health and happiness without sticking yer fingers in a socket. So…er…what’s a sole intensity then?  The Electrical-Wave Relaxation Foot Massager utilizes electric shocks to promote and restore blood circulation and pain relief. After a few weeks, you’ll feel the difference throughout your entire body. It has a comprehensive control board with an LED (light-emitting diode) electric wave gauge, time displayer, body intensity displayer, and sole intensity displayer. It also has an…

The CELF-HELP. $29.95. Dual fun. Careful you don’t wind up with a sore arm, though eh? Arf!  The compact CELF-HELP Light is powered by simply using the winding handle to recharge the internal power cell. The LED light combinations allow you to switch on two, four, all five, or just the red light for eye-friendly night viewing. It will last up to 30 minutes with just 1 minute of winding time…It also has the added benefit of being able to recharge a…

The Binary Watch. £49.95 ($87.41). Now don’t go telling me all that geek machine code nonsense. Tell me about cool black cars and polo necked chauffeurs.  Ostensibly, a watch is for telling the time. But if that’s all it was for, no one would pay thousands of pounds for a Rolex. Choosing a watch has far more to do with how it looks than knowing what time it is; just look at all the watches around with only four numerals,…

The Waterless Pet Bath. $39.99. Make peace with your pooch.  The Waterless Pet Bath Brush resolves stubborn tangles with its sturdy plastic bristles while at the same time using Air Energizing Technology to clear away pet odors and dander…The Waterless Pet Bath Brush silently bathes your pet in just five minutes with trillions of super-oxygenated molecules and negative ions every second. These molecules and ions break down odors and capture the particles that cause them, leaving fresh oxygen behind.

Wireless Auto-Tune Speakers. $150.00 buys you speakers without wires. Without signal drift. Straight up, no kidding.  Our 900 MHz wireless speakers have up to a 150-foot signal range, so you can easily listen to music, movies or TV shows anywhere around your home or office. Set up impromptu parties on the patio. Listen in the kitchen or bedroom—all without moving your stereo system or TV or running speaker wires. Auto-tune technology automatically locks into the correct signal—there’s no tuning ever…Simply…

The Motocompo Trunk Bike. Forget about the weird little motorized gizgogs and check out the surreal advertising. What is that place, a woodland fast food grotto? With a phone on a tree? Beam me up, Scottie.