The TV Guardian, Foul Language Filter. Hmm…sign o’ the times? From $59.95.  Now you can stop the filth from entering your family room with the TV Guardian. The TV Guardian is a device that connects to your TV. It filters foul language from TV, Videos, and DVDs while you’re watching… Four menu options: Kids, Parents, Family and Other Four filter settings: Strict, Moderate, Tolerant, and Off Three wordsets that may be turned on or off within each filter setting: Religious, Hell…

The Multimedia Paper and CD Shredder. A twofer doofer for those with a lot to hide. $149.95.  So efficient it can shred up to 7 folded sheets of paper at a time without causing a jam, and so powerful it reduces CDs and credit cards to the size of confetti, this tabletop shredder ensures total security.  And, unlike less powerful models, it takes staples, rubber bands, and paper clips in stride, cutting through them without difficulty.

The Roll Up Calculator. As in roll up and chuck in the trash cos I really hate skool? No? Oh, sorry. $9.95.

  The ScanGauge 3–in-1 Auto Computer. £129.99. Uh-oh, the geeks have discovered the dashboard.  The digital gauges mode displays four different properties on the screen (for example, fuel economy, battery voltage, coolant temperature, and engine speed). The trip computer tracks your vehicle’s maximum speed, average speed, driving time, driving distance, trip fuel economy and several other pieces of trip data. The engine trouble code scan tool lets you read standard engine trouble codes as well as clear the “check engine”…

The Timex AM/FM Clock Radio with Aromatherapy. $59.00. A sleepy time smell sounder?  A programmable sleep timer with Nature Sounds of Brook, Ocean Surf, Forest Spring or AM/FM radio allow you to sound condition your drift into sleep. The built-in Air Freshener (one Beach Breeze Gel-Pack included) offers timable scent dispersal to control how long you want soothing scents to be gently infused into the air. The scent/aroma dispersal sytem is compatible with air freshener refills like Glade Plug-Ins so…

The Massaging Footrest. $28.98. For one dizzy, delicious moment the Ferret thought this said the messaging footrest, which would have been marvellous. But alas, it was not to be…  Tired toes and fatigued feet? Give them the pampering they deserve–on our portable Massaging Footrest. You’ll enjoy a soothing foot massage at home or office, whenever and wherever you want one. Soft shag fur cover adds style, while ample padding adds comfort. On/off button beneath — when switched “on” it activates automatically when feet…

The Twilight Tracer golf ball. £12.99 ($20.65). There’s a joke in here somewhere involving flashing golf balls and midnight games, but darned if we can find it.  The official size and weight of the U.S.G.A and R&A, the Flashing Golf Ball has a tough Surlyn cover and a super-bright internal LED that flashes for five minutes after contact. It has a battery life of 80 hours, which will keep you flashing (as it were) for about 1000 strokes! The ball…

The Digi-Draw. The Ferret is the world’s second worst artist (after Vincent Van Gogh). The Digi-Draw promises to change that. Really. And for just $19.95. Hah!   You can easily trace any picture, photograph or illustration to make fantastic works of art. You can even make animated cartoons! With DiGi-Draw, you don’t have to be an artist to draw like one!…Place the image you want to trace on the reflective panel on the left… Now, look at the reflection of…

The Water Purifying Straw. Not necessarily for use with McDonald’s milkshakes. £8.00.  Using this straw reduces viruses and bacteria by an amazing 96%. It can be used to suck water from a canteen or directly from the source. The column of iodine resin purifies as water draws through the straw. Easy to use.

The Cellular Phone Amplifier. On the basis that people using mobile phones tend to shout louder in noisy places if they can’t hear the other party properly, we suggest that this product is probably a very. good. thing. $39.95.  If you’ve been having problems hearing conversations on your cell phone, you know how frustrating it can be. The Cellular Amplifier boosts the volume on your cell phone up to 24 dB, so you can hear every word clearly. It easily…

The Firebox VoIP Phone. Neat because it accesses Skype. Neat because Skype Out is super duper cheap calls. Neat because anything that gets us away from monolithic telco control is most excellent. £29.95.  All you do is bung in the CD, plug the phone into the nearest USB socket and dial away. Nifty technology then digitally converts your voice through your broadband internet connection and on to its final destination – be it a fellow Skype user, a normal land…

The Internet Touchpad. Show the geek in your life just how much they really touch you this Valentines, and with gestures. Ahem. $21.95.  Latest generation design requires no pressure to point and select – just move your finger and tap. Patented Glidepoint Gesture technology allows users to program their own personal gestures to open documents, start applications or accomplish just about any other task on a PC that typically requires multiple keystrokes 3 programmable “Hot” buttons allow for programming shortcuts- access…

The Crosley Dreyfuss 500 chrome phone. Retro rad. $59.95.   First introduced in 1949, this ever-popular desk style set was initially featured in basic “Bell Black.” Reintroduced in 1954, in a variety of shades, this classic gained widespread popularity as it became a decorative household item. Rugged and functional, the Desk Phone was, and remains, the most commonly used phone in the United States. And while Crosley’s Desk Phone has the nostalgic rotary dial, it actually functions with push button…