Oh c’mon! It’s bad enough you eat us out of house and home, chew up the carpet and dribble on the couch, now you want to spend money on our puppy too? What does it matter…stop looking at me like that…what does it matter if the little mongrel comes from a royal English Corgi line? Nothing that’s what. And stop chewing that slipper.

The Canine Genealogy Kit is not guaranteed to solve your small domestic issues, but it might deliver a little peace of mind if you’re overly worried that Munchkins isn’t behaving as nicely as the man in the pet shop said he should. The kit lets you grab a DNA sample (good luck fighting the slobber for that) which will generate a report covering things like behavioural tendencies, potential health risks and other poochy stuff.

I’d treat the report with a slight pinch of sodium if I were you, this genetic stuff is rarely as accurate as they’d like us to think, but it’s probably a fun thing to give a pet owning relative as a gift. Let them fight off the slobber. In the meantime, I’d appreciate it if you’d climb down off the dresser and go get us some milk. Thanks. Priced at $69.95.