There are so many beautiful things to say about this upcoming Darth Vader Toaster that we’re not sure we’re going to be able to cope with the excitement. For one thing there’s the jokes, dear lordy so many jokes. And then there’s the fact that the bread comes out toasted. Incredible.

But most of all we like the thought that that every one of these things that we buy helps prop up an evil empire that sucks the joy and passion out of everything it touches. And we don’t just mean Disney. The product is destined to arrive on the shelves sometime around July 2014, no doubt timed for some Star Wars festival or another, and if you want one, you’ll need to pop up $44.99. Aaargh, we tried a joke. And it failed.