Disowned by your bank and set adrift amongst the flotsam and jetsam of humanity you so successfully avoided for years, forced to forage for your food in cheap corner supermarkets and sleep in cotton sheets, you’re at your wits end. Finally, in despair of ever finding another concierge you can trust, you dig out your last possession, a trusty dayglo orange 9–in-1 Survival Tool. It’s no David Attenborough, but it’ll do for now.

Compass, hygrometer, thermometer, ruler, spirit level, mirror, LED torch, magnifying glass for setting fire to your ex nanny’s car, flint scraper and flint and finally, last but not least, a whistle to summon an imaginary maitre’d. It’s all there Jack, except the pride dial. Somehow that’s gone missing. £14.99.