No listen, what you really really need is the slurptastic Skybox Beverage Dispenser. This little doozy sits in your den and lets you play vending machines owner all day long.

Holds 66 12 ounce cans of tipple and comes with a parental lock to keep the little tykes out. No coin slot though, so no charging gran $5.00 a Pepsi! Yours for a mere $498.99.