Now that Our Beloved Appletm is about to launch the ultimate tech saviour of humanity, we suddenly remembered that there’s one part of the population which might not be cheering so loudly. Those unlucky purchasers of Apple Newton MessagePad computers. So for all those distraught Newton users sobbing into their paisley man-bags we thought we’d help out with a short set of alternative uses for your precious and now sadly redundant hardware.
- Tech icon for slum landlords (‘sure, de apartment comes with its own Apple computer’)
- Window wedge for those hot Tennessee nights
- Boiled egg alarm
- Vintage product image for upload to stock photo services
- Business motivation poster image (‘if at first you don’t succeed…’)
- Fake Tricorder for your video remake of Star Trek I
- Still model for your painting class (‘…on ancient civilisations’)
- Spare dial up modem (‘for sending important faxes’)
- Post-it Note holder (stick ’em on the screen, blu-tack to the fridge)
- PCMCIA card storage
- Hamster toy ramp
- Doodle pad for long meetings
- Hand warmer
- Paintball target
- Emergency head rest
- Paperweight
- Stylus tester
- Apple Pippin remote control
- Keyboard stand for Apple Lisa
- Roomba doorway blocker
- Eyesight tester
- Science project for your 10 year old
- Marketing project for your 19 year old
- Decoy device for myopic mugger
- Gift for your aging grandmother (‘hey Gran, it’s the Apple Tablet for ya’)
- Dummy car alarm
- Donation for a charity you don’t really trust a lot.
- Secret Santa gift
- Birthday present for Nasty Uncle Albert
- I Visited Cupertino And All I got Was This Lousy… souvenir
Failing that, keep it safe, you never know when it might come in handy for…well…calculating how long you need to save up to afford a proper tablet computer. Good luck.
At it doesn’t come with it’s own identity crisis like…
Tandy Z-PDA (Zoomer)
Casio Z-7000
AST 7000
GRiD Pad 7000
Oh, wait.. there were all the same device!
Have you used a Newton before? The Newton is remains pretty useful. Most tablet computers still have a lot to learn in terms of UI design from the Newton. I use mine everyday and it continues to provide faithful service. Have a look at eBay and you'll see that Newtons have continued to hold their value over the last five years despite so much time passing by.
The iPod Touch and the iPhone haven't made my Newton redundant. I don't anticipate that the iPad will either though this looks like it might be a serious candidate for a replacement laptop.