The Mini Stick Self Defense Keychain. Wow, I so wish that I could grab a bit of wood, drill a hole in it, stick it on a keyfob and charge $29.95.

‘This mini stick keychain will protect you against assault, robbery, rape, and other random acts of violence. Don’t be a victim. In addition to this unique and amazing weapon, you’ll receive a training video. In just 32 minutes, this video will teach you how to defend yourself in any situation, using the stick. Learn the whipping method, locking method, and the striking & pressure point method.’

The video apparently doesn’t mention the ‘fetch’ method – ‘Here boy, fetch!’