Sometimes, especially on a dismal grey Monday morning, it’s just not worth it. Know what we mean? The queues for the bathroom, the forced jollity at the parole office, all that fake how are you stuff as you receive this week’s TP reports. And that’s when you need some help.

The Whatever Button will categorically not improve your life one jot, nor endear you to members of the opposite sex, deliver limitless quantities of refreshing beverages or help you win the office sweepstakes for a trip to the local hairdresser. But what it might just do, at a pinch, is make you feel better for maybe 1 or 2 seconds.

And nowadays, let’s face it, one or two seconds is a pretty good hit rate. We’re promised that the comfortingly red button will play at least 10 different sounds, and what’s more it’s ‘hilariously loud’, as though that is some measure of comfort in a world where 200 decibels is considered rather romantic. The button, for all its useless, facile, ridiculousness costs $8.03 (not .04 or .02, note) and is a perfect gift for Mother’s Day. What…?