The Red Ferret Competition Rulez
Now hear ye…
* The judge’s decision is final. Not Judge Dredd, just the judge.
* You’ve got to be old enough to win. That means you can’t be a minor in whichever culture, planet or dimension you reside. You can be a minority, but not a minor. You can also be a miner, as long as you promise not to tread coal dust onto our carpet.
* Winners of random contests will be chosen….ah….at random. Not Birmingham, random.
* The highly intelligent and slightly snooty Ferret team accept no responsibility at all for your inability to read and follow instructions. Nor are we responsible for global warming. Honest.
* Only one entry per person unless we say otherwise. In which case it isn’t. Unless you turn out to be a nasty spamming troll, in which case we’ll ban you instantly no matter what the rules of the competition say. You have been warned, Mr Diebold!
* If you don’t supply your email address, you can’t win. Simple isn’t it? For some strange reason you’ll also need a mailing address to receive a prize by post. Funny that, eh?
* Your entries must be original and copyright free. Please also ensure that they are cholesterol free, ozone friendly and small enough to fit into a tiny cup at the back of the fridge.
* We reserve the right to do whatever we want with your entries. That’s right, anything. If we want to stick them onto an envelope and mail them to the King of Swaziland’s nephew, that’s what we’ll do. Because we can. So stop snivelling.
* We also reserve the right to change the prize at the very last moment, or any time at all during the competition if we have to. For any reason at all. Especially if we realise that we’ll never be able to ship it to you on board your arctic based nuclear submarine.
* You promise never to sue us for anything at all. Ever. In any lifetime. Or universe. Even if we give you a Chinese Burn behind the bike sheds on a rainy Friday evening. Because that’s just life, OK?
* Don’t bug us if you don’t like the prize, or it breaks, or is not what you expected or it turns purple and dies within minutes. Give it to your cousin Eric next birthday and move on.
* No ferrets may enter any competition that we hold. They may enter Fijian Ferret Monthly magazine competitions if Mrs Jones says it’s OK.
* We reserve the right to change everything, do what we like, annoy the neighbour’s hamster named George, or generally pretend we rule the known universe and its nearby housing estate. Because it’s *our* competition and if you don’t like it, you can go jump in a tub of strawberry custard singing the National Anthem.
Thank you for listening.