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Star Wars Tie Fighter Nutcracker – crush the rebellion


So answer this. How come all the fancy home hardware comes from the Galactic Empire? Was there no attempt at marketing by the Rebel Alliance at all? No sponsored tie-ins, no affiliate schemes for bathroom utensils? It’s a total mystery.

Anyhoo, here’s you go with the Star Wars Tie Fighter Nutcracker, because…y’know…nothing smashes a walnut like a war machine from the future. To do the evil deed, just twist the wings until the nut submits and tells you where the rebel pecan base is. After which you can eat the informant and go about firing up the Death Star.


We’re a little worried that there’s too much violence in this post, so we’ll tone it down a bit. In the end the victorious rebels, led by General Pistachio, overcome the indolent corrupt Empire and establish a mixed fruit and nut commune in a star system not far from Betelgeuse. Now all say ahhh. £34.99.

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