The AquaVista 500. Wanna get weirdly recursive and make your head spin? Well you can now buy a fish tank – aquarium to you madam – which looks just like a fake plasma screen, mimicking a fish tank. If you get what we mean. $299.99 including wall mounting bracket.  The AquaVista 500 is a sophisticated, patent-pending, wall-mounted aquarium for live freshwater tropical fish that is designed to hang like a picture with frame. It comes with your choice of colorful…

The Cooler Master Notepal laptop tray. It’s aluminium, contains two fans, is designed to cope with wide-screen notebooks, is powered by the computer itself, and comes with 2 front-facing USB port extenders. But how’re ya going to fit it into your briefcase, hombre? Around $36.00.

Now here’s a USB lock that looks like it actually might work. The Lindy USB Port Lock comes in four pretty colours and does one simple job. Yes children it stops anyone from accessing your USB slot. So you can sleep soundly at night, confident that no-one is stealing those confidential files you ‘borrowed’ from the office. $14.99.  The USB Port Lock is made up of a combined ‘key’ and ‘lock’ assembly which plugs into the USB port. To use, simply…

The Gun Su USB Digital Pen. Absolutely no idea what this thing is actually called since our Korean language teacher was regrettably detained by an overturned truck full of Javanese Moosehead toads just before we got to this part of our language lesson.  However it does appear to be a digital pen which beams its contents from your handwriting to a USB equipped flash memory dongle for transfer to a computer of your choice. We know that it works using ‘systematic supersonic waves signal’…

The CheckMate Pulse Oximeter. Check your pulse in seconds. If there’s nothing there, don’t panic, just call 1–800–HEARSE. As fast as you can, OK? $199.99.  CheckMate answers the sports and aviation market’s demand for a lightweight, inexpensive monitor for measuring blood oxygen saturation and heart rate during physically active and high-altitude activities. It offers the user a greater ability to monitor these vital signs under motion and is less expensive than most available devices.

The PDC Smart Kiosk. Cashless payments for amusement parks, using a free-standing RFID reader/writer allied to wrist straps. Load lots of cash onto your wrist and make Mickey a very happy bunny. [ahem…Ed].  The free standing kiosk has a video touch screen and RFID reader/writer that allows patrons to load money using cash, credit or debit cards onto PDC Smart Band RFID Wristbands issued at admissions, and also print a receipt of each transaction.

The USB Port Security Lock. OK hands up, we have absolutely no chuffin’ idea how this baby is supposed to work. Apparently you tie the cable around your grandmother or other immovable object, shove the lock into the nearest USB port (preferably on computer, not relative) and twist to lock. To lock how? Where? You’ll have to pay £12.95 to find out.  The USB Locker is like a bike lock for your computer! Tough, durable, but simple to use this…

The Marmitek iParty. Clip it to your iPod and it will automatically invite loads of beautiful people to your next social gathering. Celebrities, politicians, cute animals, you name it. What? Oh OK, it’s a wireless iPod transmitter. Yes yes, that’s it. No it doesn’t make your music sound better or create peaceful waves of nostalgic bliss. It just beams your very loud techno/hiphop/punk mashups to the $20.00 Wal-Mart stereo system your aunt bought you for Xmas. I still think my version’s better….