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7 of our favorite Google merchandise products and what they say about our future


Google is turning into so much more than a search engine nowadays, isn’t it? Not content with dominating the smartphone market, running a global advertising colossus and hosting the world’s videos, documents and maps, the company looks as though it’s ramping up its retail product offerings more and more. Could this be an indication of future long term plans?

The Google Map Bag


The Google Map Bag currently features only one city (San Francisco) and it doesn’t animate, or give turn by turn directions, but our sources tell us that one day in the near future a full GPS enabled version will hit the shelves, complete with Stephen Fry’s voice for the navigation. $20.30.

Remote Control Android


We’ve always suspected that Android was just a front for something more sinister, and this proves it. Coming in quietly under the radar, this inflatable remote control robot may just spin and twirl now, but we understand that eventually these creatures will be ringing on your doorbell to check that you’ve paid your Google TV license fee. $121.70.

Android Micro Cleaner


They call it a micro cleaner, we think it’s a lab experiment to see how small they can make their handsets before we start losing them down the back of the couch. It makes sense. The smaller the handset size, the less plastic they need and the more profit they make. Notice how the white sticker conveniently covers over the pulse sensor which checks if we’re still alive and able to pay up. $1.90

Google Blinky Ring


All eyes are on Google Glass at the moment, but we’re betting that the next major innovation to head out from Google labs will be something like this ring. The device currently features nothing more exciting than a flashing LED, but you wait until they shoehorn in a full 60 inch screen projector, and connect it via Bluetooth to your kneecaps. Yowsa! $4.00

Google Chrome Clock


Yeah, looks harmless doesn’t it? But fast forward 5 years and we’ll all be required to have these on our desks or on walls. Why? Well it’s as good a way as any to keep tabs on us. The pinhole cameras will keep watch and make sure we’re sitting where we should be before beaming the latest ‘Lose Tummy Fat’ contextual ad our way. Oh happy day. $54.90.

Google Neon Lamp


What could be more innocent than a softly glowing neon lamp spelling out the name of our favorite corporation? How about a softly pulsing subliminal advertising tool, which resonates in tune with our blink rate and eyeball frequency, to deliver perfectly timed suggestions as to what to eat, wear and desire. Don’t be fooled by the on/off switch either, it’s strictly for the beta version. $28.00.

Google Cell Phone Bean Bag


Sometimes we just need a place to rest our weary phones. Or do we? $7.70.

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