Look, it’s patently clear that you simply don’t realise what you’re missing. Clearly anyone with any sense would know that without a Talking Watch which announces the time out loud, remembers appointments, sings Happy Birthday on cue and features a rooster crowing alarm, your life is simply devoid of meaning. So dig deep and splash out that $14.99 now.

I didn’t realise that talking watches were really that popular. But apparently they are.