Can’t find the �17,050.00 needed to buy a Vertu Signature mobile phone? Then you’ll be overjoyed to hear that the company has now released a cheaper and infinitely more ugly model called Accent. �2450.00 to you, sir. And no haggling.

‘The Vertu Ascent Collection is a thrillingly tactile design where exceptionally hard materials are synthesised with the softness and subtlety of leather.’

Thrillingly tactile? Huh?