I’m sorry but we’re suffering a few problems with 21st century reality. Normal service will be resumed just as soon as we work out Cat Panties Dog Diapers and Pet Sunscreen.

Teleflip. A kind of email to cellphone switchboard. Very clever, but US only at the moment unfortunately. I suppose the advantage it has over SMS is message length? ‘The next time you need someone to email you directions, a recipe, sales information, or maybe just a few sweet nothings… tell them to TELEFLIP it, at: (yourcellphonenumber)@teleflip.com. It’s easy. It’s free. It’s for your phone.’

RSS Calendar. Funkeninny, and free too! ‘RSSCalendar is an exciting new way for individuals and organizations to share their calendars with family, friends, and co-workers – utilizing the latest in “Really Simple Syndication” (RSS) technology, including RSS channel creation and aggregation.’

Good Stuff. ‘A behind the scenes guide to the things we buy.’ A pretty cool Worldwatch Institute section. ‘Have you ever wondered where chocolate comes from, if antibacterial soap is good for your family, or how to recycle an old computer? If you’ve had these or other questions about the environmental and social impacts of the products you buy and use, Good Stuff is for you.’

The ZBoard Doom 3 Keyset. It’a a cult game, so why not a Limited Edition keyboard? $19.99. ‘Designed by gamers, ZBoard is the world�s first PC Gaming Keyboard. This innovative product is all you need for gaming and for every day use, making ZBoard� the ultimate keyboard for gamers.’

The Alpha Grip looks like it was designed by one of Boeing’s cockpit modelers on her day off. But hey, it’s got an ‘organic design’, so what do we know? $99.00. ‘The vast majority of alternative keyboards were only incrementally better than the standard QWERTY keyboard and they didn�t free you from a desk. The Dvorak keyboard, for example, only improved a professional typist’s speed by 10 – 20% (and some argue even less). The AlphaGrip, on the other hand,…

The CatSeat. Well you’d look surprised too if someone leapt out of the airing cupboard clutching a Nikon Coolpix and snapped one while you were minding yer privates. Sheesh! $109.95. ‘The CatSeat…is the revolutionary next generation litter-box designed to allow the option of mounting to your toilet, and to completely wean your cat(s) from litter. This will forever eliminate the mess and expense of litter from your life.’

So there’s a new VideoNow Color personal video player? Priced at $70.00. With 2.5 inch LCD screen, speakers and 5 hour battery life? Are these really fun for kids, or a waste of plastic and chrome effect? Answers on a PVD please.

Brain Boost. The No-Search Search Engine. Ho-hum, another day, another dollar. ‘BrainBoost is a Question Answering search engine. It was specifically designed to answer questions, asked in plain English. BrainBoost is 100% automated. Unlike other Question Answering engines, BrainBoost does not rely on human editors to locate answers. Instead, BrainBoost employs cutting-edge Artificial Intelligence technology to understand your question and match it with relevant answers it locates on the web.’

Hmm, Banned Music.com has started using a new embedded BitTorrent technology to offer no-brainer, seamless album downloads. I mention it because this is exactly the type of tech that the mainstream record labels should be leaping on in an effort to build their new 21st century business models. But of course… ‘BannedMusic.org is debuting an easy, new BitTorrent installer to distribute these censored recordings…Our new system wraps BitTorrent peer-to-peer software in an installer that, once you run it, self-installs and…

eMessenger. Access your MSN account from any Javascript browser or mobile phone with WAP browser. Cool for Internet cafes or strange computers where you want to access your IM without having to install anything. A kind of mail2web.com for IM?

Couple of web freebies for ya. ZeroDollar Templates, web templates for no cash, and Funnel Web Analyzer for Mac and Windows – freebie web traffic analysis program.

ODBConnect for Java smartphones. ‘Now your phone can take your car for a test drive.’ Clever stuff. ‘Let�s say that you bring your car to the mechanics�. You describe a problem in your engine. You say, �it�s making a THOCKA-THOCKA-THOCKA-THUMP noise”…With VTTi’s OBDConnect, you can simply attach your cell phone to the car and wait for the noise to happen again. Then your mechanic can assess the problem over the Internet in real time and save you untold amounts of…

The quirkily named Board Bug. A rugrat monitor and digital watch in one. �99.50. ‘The Board Bug is the world’s first toddler monitor that alerts you instantly if your toddler wanders out of range from you. [sic] Completely portable and easy to use, the funky parent unit works as an ordinary digital watch…It also helps you take care of your baby with temperature and sound monitoring.’

I just ADORE the idea of the Pet Phone. What a shame it’s currently not in stock, ’cause this is high technology at its very finest. “Hi, Dan? Yeah this is Tiddles. Er..can you stop off at the 7-Eleven and pick up some Meow-Mix on your way home, we’re right out. Yeah the organic vegetarian will do. What…? Ah..nothing much, just hanging out by the goldfish bowl and stuff. Yeah…see ya later. Ciao.” ‘The Pet Phone allows your pet to…